Author: Susan David
Summary
Often our emotions are like hooks in a movie. They origin from narratives we receive through our upbringing and direct our actions. When we are hooked on an emotion we are not flexible in our reactions to them. To achieve emotional agility we need to unhook from those destructive narratives and take our emotions as what they are in the first place, information.
There are two big types of people that try to unhook in an unhealthy manner: Bottlers try to unhook by pushing emotions to the side and getting things done. But then you are just trying to ignore troubling emotions. The deeper issue remains. Brooders are feeling their feelings but they stay in them and self focused think about the past and what they should have done etc.
The aim of emotional intelligence is to enhance the space between stimulus and reaction because there lies our freedom to choose how to react. The first step for that is “Showing Up”. That means accepting your emotions in the first place. See them for what they are: Information that are a part of us, sometimes helpful and sometimes destructive. Then comes “Stepping Out”: Detach yourself from your emotions and observe them. Naming the emotions creates the space between stimuli and response that Frankl was talking about. Also writing about your emotions is shown to be helpful.
Also you should “Walk Your Why”. It is hard to act according to your deepest values when you are hooked. Therefore it is important to know what the values are you embrace. Acting according to your deepest values is a super effective internal motivator. It strengthens your feeling of autonomy. In the end it is about “Moving On”, changing your bad habits into better ones, that align with your personal values. It is important to cultivate a growth mindset, that means that you believe that your personality is not fixed but that you can change your believes, motivations and habits. Small tweaks can help and can make a big difference.
There needs to be a balance between comfort and challenge in our live. If we are living too much in our comfort zone we lose our curiosity and purpose. If we are living too much on the edge we are getting overwhelmed. The key is to ride the see saw of comfort and challenge to stay whelmed.
- Courage is not the absence of fear it is fear walking
- the only people that do not have stress, or are never getting hurt or never make mistakes are dead people, let go of unrealistic goals